Not a long story here. I (F32) was changing our baby’s diaper when my husband (M37) snuck up behind me and pulled my pants down (just the pants, not the underwear - he wanted me to include this part). He did it to make me laugh.

I elbowed him and yelled at him. (I apologized for elbowing him, it was just a reaction). I asked him to never do it again and now he won’t agree and keeps laughing. He says I’m overreacting but I’m really just asking him not to do again and I’m worried he’s going to do it all the time now.

He says he’ll stop if the internet agrees with me but he is confident you will all think he’s hilarious.

I really don’t want to deal with this anymore. Please just say “it’s funny once but not again”.

Update:. You guys really need to chill lol. I’m not going to divorce my husband because he made a joke that didn’t land. That’s not how marriage works.

In an ironic twist I have decided we are now a pantsing house. I will pants him as often as humanly possible and I will be wearing dresses to make myself invincible. Thanks for the terrible advice (although I do agree that no means no, I just don’t think it’s that’s deep here.)

My husband is a really good guy and is genuinely hilarious making the whole family laugh, so I’m going to let him do his thing.

SECOND UPDATE: So I turned off my notifications like 10k ago. From what I can tell, It’s basically all the same stuff: calling my husband immature or a creep and then me a doormat for siding with him after reading your unhinged comments and realizing I wanted to be on the side of sanity.

Kudos to the people who are like “hey glad you guys can have a good time.” Because we do. We ALWAYS do because we are happily married and we love each other and we like to joke around (been married for 11 years).

I highly encourage you all to laugh at your partner’s jokes and if you don’t think it’s funny just tell them to stop and they will listen to you if they’re the right person. (Like my husband is for me.) find someone who makes you laugh and likes to have fun and don’t squash their joy by being a stuck up a$$hole. You’ll be happier if you lighten up and so will they.

Thank for everyone who genuinely cared about my well being. I really worded my post to make it sound like I didn’t also think it was funny. To be fair, I was laughing while I posted this and didn’t think anyone would respond. But thanks anyway. You’ve got a good heart ❤️

So have a good life everyone. I doubt I’ll ever get on this cursed app again.

And please- for the love of all that is holy- never ask strangers on the internet for their 2 cents on your relationship. It’s entertaining for like an hour but you start to lose your faith in humanity.

32F out ✌️

I went out to dinner last night with my wife and spent $125 on two steak dinners and a couple of beers.

All of the food was shit. The steaks were thin overcooked things that had no reason to cost $40. It looked like something that would be served in a cafeteria. We both agreed afterward that we would have had more fun going to a nearby bar and just buying chicken fingers.

I've had this experience a lot lately when we find time to get out for a date night. Spending good money on dinners almost never feels worth it. I don't know if the quality of the food has changed, or if my perception of it has. Most of the time feel I could have made something better at home. Over the years I've cooked almost daily, so maybe I'm better at cooking than I used to be?

I'm slowly starting to have the realization that spending more on a night out, never correlates to having a better time. Fun is had by sharing experiences, and many of those can be had for cheap.

I had intercourse with literally every person who has ever existed.

Not proud of it. Embarrassing and I don’t tell people. Like 2-3 of my closest friends know and that’s it. I’m average looking. Probably like a 7-8. Lost my virginity when I was 16. I had a 19 year old friend at the time who told me ‘everybody wants sex, you just have to ask.’ I lived by that for the next decade and it worked. Along with an insane amount of rejections, which you get numb to very quickly surprisingly. The part that kept me going was (a) every vagina really feels different and more importantly (b) the adrenaline rush of not knowing if I’m about to get rejected or not. I would feel super high even after getting rejected as opposed to just disappointed in myself if I didn’t try.

After a decade I started getting paranoid of stds more and tried a couple longer term relationships. I’m diagnosed with severe ptsd and panic disorder. I don’t fuck random women at all anymore but the desire is still there.

I see a lot of conceptions from men and women about people who make false claims about people who have had a lot of partners. It’s especially hard in person because I can’t just be like, ‘well I’ve actually had sex with everyone so actually…’ because I’m an average looking guy and it’s just like yeah right dude

Fun fact. When I was 21, my best friend and I made a list of all the names of girls I had and it was just over 1 million, I put that piece of paper in my glovebox and forgot about it. A week or so later I noticed it was missing. My mom had a history of checking my drawers and shit my whole teenage life so I know she found it. Never brought it up. It was just gone. No clue what she thought. I know what you’re thinking, “how did you sleep with all of these people while living with your mom” - well the truth is, she watched.

AMA

Edit: Anybody who calls me a liar is a loser as I’m clearly not lying. Those of you asking about my career - I am in fact a rockstar signed with a massively famous record label.

Edit2: Oh my gosh ! Slow down I’m trying to respond to everyone but I am so busy with my rockstar lifestyle that I can’t keep up! You might be asking how I had all the time to make this post, and respond to nearly everyone, but if that’s the case then just shut up and get in shape.

Edit3: This is just because I’m angry and want to bark orders at you all because I think so highly of myself. Remember, my advice is the best advice.

Edit4: I am a fucking celebrity

Edit5: Everyone 18+ PERVERTS!!! My name is not Lorne Armstrong.

Edit6: You definitely shouldn’t google “Lorne Armstrong”

Edit7: Just kidding, you definitely should.

Edit8: Oh you think I’m “arrogant” (if that’s even a word) - I’m sure there’s a fucking Barney subreddit to go on!!!!

Edit9: Sorry I didn’t mean that. Please keep showing me attention. I really need it.

I found out after she died when her best friend kissed me and asked me to marry her. Then she trauma dumped the truth that my wife was cheating with multiple partners for at least 12 years.

I have three teenage daughters, I’m a single dad now, and my marriage was a lie.

Maybe you want details, maybe you want to know how I cope. AMA